Lisa Mason's Morning News (9-3-13) Slow News Day? No, it's Slow Humor Day!
by Lisa Mason
posted Sep 3 2013 7:47AM
As President Obama now attempts to get Congress to shoulder the blame for striking at Syria or not… Hackers from Syria attempted to deface the US marine’s website. Since most of Syria is still stuck in the 10th century, they were using dialup. Meanwhile, they're handing out gas masks to just about everybody in Syria. It's the same thing the casting people at Warner Brothers are doing with Batman masks.
George W Bush joined Instagram over the weekend. We’re only hours away from a shirtless selfie.
The "No Muslim Parking" signs outside a Texas mall have been removed for obvious reasons. People were outraged, especially at the part which read, "All Car Bombs Will Be Towed at the Owner's Expense."
Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi says even if the Democrats win back the House of Representatives, she doesn't want to be Speaker of the House again. So, I guess that makes it unanimous!
Congratulations to endurance swimmer Diana Nyad who succeeded Monday in her 5th attempt to become the first person to swim from Cuba to Florida not inside a shark cage. Most Cubans only wind up in Florida inside batting cages. Jellyfish didn't attack Diana as often this time. Apparently, most of their anger is still directed towards Miley Cyrus.
High School football is making national headlines thanks to the Friday Night Fight. After a game marred by 20 penalties and some bonehead calls, Walker’s head coach and Cullman’s defensive coordinator yakked at each other before getting into a full blown brawl. Some players also had a go at it – THAT’S playing thru the whistle! Embarrassing, but this is what happens when someone says something ‘bout someone’s mama. Don’t fight boys, there’s plenty of opossum to go around.
And a few things you need to know…
On this date in 1935, an automobile went over 300 miles per hour for the very first time. I'm sure going off that cliff had a lot to do with it.
Fox News host Tucker Carlson fell asleep on live TV on "Fox and Friends" last week. Funny, he said President Obama was asleep on the job. It’s like he’s not just a Fox News host, he's also a Fox News viewer. You really don’t expect this to happen on Fox because most of the sleeper cells host shows on MSNBC.
A Syracuse man who had just robbed a Chase bank was captured by police after surviving a 21-story fall through an apartment building's garbage chute. Well, so much for making a clean getaway.
And … Thanks to an $18,000 grant, a professor from the University of Alabama is studying the history of BBQ. After the “research,” Dr. Joshua Rothman might have to get a greant to study the history of exercise. All I can say is “pass the slaw! It’s for science!”