Greetings, welcome to the new blog site. Let's see how this goes.
Alagasco will soon become part of the bringham skyline. The utility is now working on installing the first of three signs atop the Sixth Avenue North building on Arrington Jr. Boulevard. Just another sign ... or three … that gas rates are too high.
A new badge of shame for Jefferson County? That’s what a federal judge says. The County has been found in contempt of a federal hiring order, so an appointed receiver will now oversee all hiring and promotions to ensure women and minorities are considered on an equal basis. Concerning employees working licenses and tag renewals, they must now prove they can uphold the same level of bitter incompetence and entitlement that surpasses all bounds of race and sex.
Having no pressing concerns, President Obama yesterday hosted a football team that hasn’t been relevant since 1985. The undefeated, untied Miami Dolphins 1972 team got the star treatment at the White House, featuring a 4:30PM dinner at Golden Corral and a case of Ensure. Three players did not attend due to their political beliefs ... and the fact they were stuck in the turn-lane with their blinker on for 5 miles trying to get out of Miami-Dade County.
Two teens are in custody after lifeguards claim they brought homemade bombs to a beach in Gulf Shores. The devices were soda bottles containing what authorities called “household chemicals.” The Mobile Bomb Squad responded. , Diet Coke and Mentos are *technically* household chemicals but do we really need to call the EPA and FEMA when someone mixes them together? “Hey Mom guess what I learned how to make in school today? And BTW, the cops want to speak with you.”
Public health officials in Iowa have issued a warning after a woman actually bought a tapeworm online and swallowed it in a very misguided effort to lose weight! Doctors say if you want lose weight, stick to less dangerous methods like crack cocaine.
The London City Hall took a major step in ensuring that humankind becomes obsolete by replacing their receptionist with a hologram. Administrators say the "virtual assistant" is much cheaper than a human employee even though it can only ask customers “are you John Conner?”
And a few things you need to know…
On this very day back in 1858, the first of the many famous Lincoln-Douglas debates took place. Lincoln won the debates, but over the next several decades, Douglas saw a whole lot more plays.
Actress Carrie-Anne Moss from "The Matrix" turns 46 today. The only Neo she sees these days has a last name of Sporin.
You may have heard 87-year-old Dick Van Dyke was pulled to safety after his Jaguar burst into flames. Investigators suspect the cause of the freak fire might have been a smoldering ember from Van Dyke's chim-chimney, chim-chimney, chim-chim-cheroo. Van Dyke reports his Jag was making an odd noise before the fire. He says it sounded like “chitty chitty bang bang.” *
An unidentified man committed suicide at the home of Olivia Newton-John while she and her husband were away. For now, he's an Olivia Newton-John Doe.
Scientific researchers say that camels may be responsible for spreading a MERS virus that's infected 94-people in the Middle East and killed half of them. I think I'd walk a mile to avoid a camel. Most of the people infected with the virus were camel handlers. I don't even want to know what these guys do on "hump" day.
Because the dollar coin has been such a huge hit in its past incarnations, some U.S. Senators want to push it on us again. They claim the U.S. could save $5.6-billion by replacing the dollar bill with a dollar coin. It might actually work this time if they add a small hinge in the middle of the coin so it can be folded over a G-string.
Going to go out on a limb here and guess this event won’t be sponsored by Chick Fil A. George "Captain Sulu" Takei will try to set a Guinness Book record at the Cincinnati Oktoberfest by leading the audience in the "World's Largest Chicken Dance." Set your phasers to fabulous! Those against gay rights plan to counter the event with the “World’s Largest Turducken Dance.” That's where you take a Chicken Dance, shove it into a Duck Dance, and then shove that whole thing into a Turkey Dance.
* Apologies for the painfully obvious ending to an already painfully obvious joke from yesterday.