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Lisa Mason in the Morning


Lisa's Morning News (9-27-13) It's a little ranty today

by Lisa Mason posted Sep 27 2013 8:42AM
As if it wasn’t tough enough already for small businesses, the Obamacare insurance exchanges for small businesses won't be ready to accept online applications on Oct. 1. Whoops, guess we’re not quite ready with that health care thing. I couldn’t get to sleep last night thanks to an Obamacare debate on my Facebook page. One does not simply go to sleep when someone is wrong on the internet! My main issue* is that so many people are willing to go ahead with a plan that’s NOT READY. Do you take turkey out of the oven before it’s ready? No, you’ll kill someone. Do you go on a date before you’re ready? No, you make the guy wait 30 minutes. I have a friend who was ready to roll with an independent film, yet he delayed his project because he was only about 90ish% ready to shoot it. Are we at 90% readiness with the healthcare law? Nope, yet we’re going to run with it anyway instead of delaying and coming up with … what’s the word?  A solid “plan.” And yes, I’m saying a local indie film is presently better thought out than the Affordable Care Act. Maybe Obama could run a Kickstarter campaign to fund this thing? By the way, Home Depot just announced that that it will cut health insurance for its part-time workers because of Obamacare. This explains their new slogan, "Get it yourself!**"   
The price of a first class postage stamp is going up 3-cents to 49-cents. I told you we should have tied the price of stamps to the President Obama's approval rating.  They're baffled as to why they're facing a $6 billion loss but I know why they're losing money. It's those new stamps with Ben Affleck as Batman.  
If you’re from the Rocket City as I am, this will be hilarious only to you. Huntsville, Alabama has made the top 10 on a new list of “Safest Driving Cities in the US.” It’s incredibly safe to drive in Huntsville, just make sure you’re doing at least 95 when you merge 5 lanes in 100 yards to get on the Parkway from 565. You’ll be ticketed if you aren’t. Do not use your turn signal, it could cause the driver behind you to go into a PTSD fit. Think you’re going to honk at someone? Don’t. They’re all heavily armed and slightly intoxicated. 
After a bitter five-month trial, the negligence lawsuit filed by Michael Jackson's mother against his concert promoter is in the hands of a jury. Katherine Jackson wants $1.5 billion because her son OD’d. Mamma Jackson says MJ’s concert promoter is to blame for his death. How? Are they a bunch of jerks? Probably. Did MJ have a serious problem? Definitely. Should Mrs. Jackson have forcibly removed her son from a dangerous lifestyle in order to prevent his death? Yep, OR she could just continue to benefit from his dog and pony show goldmine.
OJ Simpson is in trouble again! Shocked? This time he’s in hot juice for stealing cookies from a prison cafeteria. Remember he’s still serving a 33 year sentence for armed robbery and kidnapping. Don’t expect punishment for the cookie theft though, it took so long for justice to be served with this guy, I thought the courts were being run by the BCS. OJ has no business stealing cookies. Have you seen his pic lately? He’s not missed a meal and could soon be charged with impersonating George Zimmerman.
And a few things you need to know…
On this date in 1892, a patent was granted for book matches. The first book was a real page burner. Back then, a Kindle was what you did to a fire which you started with book matches.  
On this date in 1919, the Democratic National Committee voted to admit women. Actually, Democrats had allowed them in before (but only through the back door).
On this date in 1777, General George Washington is defeated by the British in the Battle of Germantown. This explains why Washington wasn't a really big fan of Oktoberfest.     
Psychologists now believe that adulthood begins at 25, not 18. Then there are the ones I know who have put it off indefinitely. 
Miley Cyrus has released a Director's Cut of her "Wrecking Ball" video. Because THAT’S what was missing in your life. 
Someone has been running around Salem, Oregon, stuffing $100 into random products in stores -- candy bars, boxes of cookies, etc. So far, over $2,000 has been found. All I can say is, I hope they vacation here soon.
OK! Magazine is reporting that Jessica Simpson is planning a secret wedding on a private beach to her boyfriend, Eric Johnson. I'm still trying to figure out the secret part.  
McDonald’s restaurants in large markets and in Europe are now giving you choice of a salad with your combo meal instead of fries. Why? If you order a Royal with Cheese*** it already comes with lettuce, tomatoes, pickles and onions. You’re halfway to a salad right there! What’s the big deal?
And … Some communities are trying to "spice up" Halloween with alternative holiday ideas like the "Naked Haunted House." And you thought bobbing for APPLES was awkward. A naked haunted house, REALLY? I'm scared of things that go hump in the night. Obviously, wavers must be signed but still, someone needs to tell Casper the Friendly Ghost that there's such a thing as being TOO friendly.
*Because I’m sure you care
**Which was already in place from what I can tell.
***That’s what they call Quarter Ponders in Amsterdam. They’re on the metric system, they don’t know what a quarter pounder is.****
****Oh wow, that’s Burger King, not McDonalds. Never mind.     
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09/27/2013 8:44AM
Lisa's Morning News (9-27-13) It's a little ranty today
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