Lisa's Morning News 11-15-13 "The Bonus TANG Reference Edition."
by Lisa Mason
posted Nov 15 2013 7:09AM
During his press conference yesterday, President Obama apologized to the American people, saying he "fumbled the rollout of the health care law." He fumbled? Nancy Pelosi is saying Obama completed 7-touchdown-passes to himself! The sad thing for Republicans is, the GOP would have possession of the football now, but they’re so busy trying to prove that Obama is a Muslim; they just left the pigskin lying right there on the field.
Also during Thursday’s press conference, Mr. Obama claimed his policy of sanctions has wrecked the Iranian economy. So it’s a lot like here then?
There’s a spat in the news among nations who have donated relief aid to the Philippines in the wake of Typhoon Haiyan. It’s like the holidays at your in-laws. China is bragging it gave $1.6 million in aid already. Whoopteedo! That was less than the check written by Swedish furniture store Ikea. Only problem is: Ikea’s check is in 47 pieces and has to be assembled before the Philippines can cash it.
We now know that terrorists knew the location of the “Safe Room” inside the Benghazi Consulate that was attacked last year. Apparently that’s where the US stores it’s inflammatory YouTube videos.
Trussville police are investigating a fatal shooting of an 87-year-old. A second elderly man, who was also staying in the house, was taken in as a person of interest. The fight between the two started about 4:30 yesterday afternoon, just as dinner was being served.
The Catholic Church is being reinvigorated by a new sense of spirit that bishops have labeled, the "Pope Francis effect." Even many U.S. Catholic Bishops who had previously been outspoken against gays and contraception are now shifting their focus to issues like poverty and immigration reform. It's humbling to be humbled by the humble.
It’s not just the NSA spying on citizens, new reports show the CIA has been doing the same thing. Were it not for the NSA and CIA my news blog would be DOA because no one would be reading it. Perhaps now that we’re aware our own government is watching us the agencies will give us our privacy. No we won’t. What? Enjoy your stay on the No-Fly list. Hey, while you guys are here can you send over some breakfast? The usual? How do you know what I normally eat?! Instagram.
And a few things you need to know …
On this date in 1806, Explorer Zebulon Pike discovered the mountaintop in Colorado now known as "Pikes Peak." Just think how different it would have turned out if the explorer William Don't had found it.
In 1869, the U.S. began free postal service. Well, I can see how it didn't make money.
On this date in 1937, air conditioning was installed in the House and Senate chambers of Congress. Just like congress -- having air conditioning installed in November.
An eleven-year-old from Colorado has developed a way to make alcoholic beverages in space. His experiment will even be tested on the International Space Station; astronauts already have the Right Stuff, now they'll have the Hard Stuff too!* This is one small step for a man ... one giant shot of Crown Royal!
Alec Baldwin's stalker has been found guilty and sentenced to 210-days in jail. This woman a loon! I mean, why would you be obsessed with a complete jerk like Alec Baldwin? What, Bieber wasn't available?
And … not enough jokes for you today? Blame my friend Hunter who held me hostage yesterday on a detailed recording project. He wouldn’t let me have another water or go to the bathroom AND he took my sweater away. OK so this is rather a first-world issue, but it’s mine!
*The ISS crew isn’t 100% in love with the drink idea. Everything available uses TANG for a mixer.**
**Actually, TANG is a great mixer. Try a shot of tequila, grenadine and TANG. It’s called an Astronaut Sunrise and isn’t as terrible as it sounds.***
***Can you still buy TANG outside of Huntsville? I really want soem TANG now.