Lisa's Morning News 11-19-13 Zimmerman's back. Hide yo' Skittles.
by Lisa Mason
posted Nov 19 2013 7:39AM
What a shocker. George Zimmerman was arrested after allegedly hitting his pregnant girlfriend. Let's not jump to conclusions until the facts come out. For all we know the girl may have "flashed Skittles" at this fine upstanding citizen. Zimmerman is only 30 but WOW he looks rough. Must be the stress of that high-paced professional lifestyle he’s leading. You know who I feel sorry for in all this? US. We haven’t heard the last of this guy.
Tornadoes swept away homes in President Obama's home state of Illinois. And boy, are the citizens upset. Mr. Obama had promised them that if they liked their old homes, they could keep their old homes. Period.
In an attempt to stave off hurt feelings the principal of McAdory High school has apologized, planned disciplinary action for the cheerleading squad and asked teachers to review Native American history. During Friday night’s game against Pinson Valley, the cheerleaders hung a banner reading, “Hey Indians. Get ready to leave in a Trail of Tears Round 2." It’s not so much offensive as it is blindingly ignorant. What did McAdory plan for Pinson Valley? A forced march and ethnic cleansing? A Horseshoe Bend reference would have been more fitting. At any rate the lettering on the sign looked like it was done by a third grader. I thought cheerleaders majored in things like sign-lettering with paint-pens.
Another volatile meeting of the Hoover School Board last night. A city councilman paid for a study on the economic impact of school bus cuts, and many wonder why that study wasn’t conducted BEFORE the decision was made to cut bus service. Because if you’re buying a reelection bid, it’s easier to swoop in after the fact and try to look like a hero instead of taking action first, chuh!
This just in -- the odds of winning the Mega Millions Lottery Jackpot and getting on the Obamacare website are now exactly the same!
Authorities are investigating human remains found in a Bessemer well. The Bell Street residents discovered the well under their house a couple of weeks ago, and on Saturday decided to look inside it. Was there nothing on TV Saturday? “Hey honey, I’m bored. Let’s go poke around in that abandoned well.” It’s a Lassie episode in the making, but at least they might now know what happened to the original homeowner.
President Obama says Christmas shopping should be easy this year because he knows exactly what everybody wants. Their doctors and their health insurance policies back.
Toronto Mayor and future “Dancing with the Stars contestant,” Rob Ford has been stripped of his powers but he gets to keep his job even after admitting to drug and alcohol abuse in office. After getting physical during the hearing, Ford now says he's quitting drugs. Bad news, Rob. The cocaine cartels say they've developed bacon-scented crack.
And a few things you need to know …
Four score and 70 years ago (I think), President Lincoln delivered his famous Gettysburg Address. Most of us miss the message of the speech since we’re still too busy trying to figure exactly how much "four score and seven years ago" actually is.
On this date in 1493, Christopher Columbus discovered Puerto Rico. He had been searching the world for a new route to better baseball players.
Heinz ketchup is cutting roughly 1,300 jobs over the next eight months. Heinz employees are already in the Hunt's for new jobs.
I don’t know whom to believe. PETA says today's turkeys are so fat; they can't stand up and are prone to heart attacks. So they have a lot in common with Americans then! Conversely, Butterball says their turkeys just aren’t growing as fast this year and they don’t know why. Maybe it’s because all the steroids they use to pump them up have been going to the NFL.
That "Real Housewives of New Jersey" couple, indicted back in July on 39-counts of fraud and conspiracy, has now been charged with lying about their employment. They're on "Real Housewives of New Jersey," and they lied about where they worked? Maybe they’re not complete morons after all.
And … "It's A Wonderful Life" is getting a sequel. And not a “made-for-TV” Hallmark sequel, but an actual feature film that follows up on the 1946 classic. What’s next? “Casablanca 2: Electric Boogaloo/Return to Ricks?” Hollywood will stop making pointless sequels when WE stop paying to see them. Confession: I’ve never seen “It’s a Wonderful Life.” I thought this was the one about a BB gun and a leg lamp but that’s apparently “Christmas Story?” Never saw that one either. I know – you’re horrified.