October 23, 2014
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Lisa Mason in the Morning

 

Lisa's Morning News 11-22-13 Great. The Zapruder Film is on AGAIN.

by Lisa Mason posted Nov 22 2013 7:19AM
All the well wishes, flowers and gifts are incredibly sweet … but you people have a very odd way of marking the 50th anniversary of JFK’s assassination. Numerous conspiracy theories continue to abound over the event, which happened 50 years ago today. Everyone who was alive and of age at the time, still remembers exactly where they were when it happened … and they’re the ONLY ones with alibis. In a recent interview, the man who drove Lee Harvey Oswald to work that day says the (supposed) assassin was carrying curtain rods. The Warren Commission later ruled that those curtain rods were, in fact, the murder weapon. Who knew they made bolt action curtain rods? And where can I buy them? Bloodbath and Beyond?
 
Back in his days as a senator, President Obama called the filibuster option “the voice of the minority.” Aaaand now it’s gone. The President’s party voted to do away with the option to filibuster Obama’s nominees and confirmations. Democrats who helped push the measure through are now praying they will stay in the majority forever, so they won’t need that option themselves in a couple years. Where’s the joke for this story? The story IS the joke.  Obama's slogan has gone from "Change You Can Believe In," to "Changing the Rules in the Middle of the Game."
 
Jefferson County is officially moving out of bankruptcy, and sewer customers who had no say in bad deals and overspending will foot the bill. Jefferson County Commission President David Carrington says the rate hikes are in the best interests of the county. Great. Close your eyes and think of JeffCo.
 
A ginormous Boeing 747 Jumbo Jet cargo plane landed at the wrong, tiny Kansas airport Wednesday, overshooting the Air Force Base at which they were supposed to land by 8-miles. You KNOW the pilots had to be male because they never once asked for directions. In case you're wondering, the record for missing your mark is still held by ObamaCare.  You can't really blame the pilots for overshooting an Air Force Base by 8-miles. They were on their iPhones watching Jean-Claude Van Damme do the splits between two semis. One thing is for certain: they're not getting those 8 extra frequent flier miles.
 
And a few things you need to know …
 
On this date in 1718, the pirate known as "Blackbeard" was killed off the Virginia coast. Wow, the Black Friday sales started even earlier back then.
 
In 1886, George Ferris died at the age of 37... just three years after inventing the Ferris Wheel. I guess he had whatever was going AROUND! Ba-dum tssssss!
 
A new  poll says that Mitt Romney would beat President Obama if the election were held this month. Obviously, he does quite well among voters who are running a year behind.
 
Butterball is still saying there's going to be a turkey shortage this year. Like it even matters! Most Americans will either be out shopping or working instead of at home eating.
 
Psychic and author Sylvia Browne, known for her frequent TV appearances and incorrect high-profile predictions through the years, died Wednesday morning. She didn’t see that coming either.
 
Now that he’s been stripped of power and lost his TV show, what's Toronto Mayor Rob Ford going to do now? My guess is, run for a higher office.
 
Nike has teamed-up with Hasbro and Detroit Lions receiver Calvin Johnson for "Calvin Johnson Megatron Transformer Shoes." They cost $550-dollars. I'll tell you what paying that much money for Transformer tennis shoes does, it transforms you into an idiot.
 
And … The FAA is very close to allowing us to have electronic devices on board – the antiquated rule could change by Christmas. The designated cell phone seating will be located outside on the wing. People are annoying enough with their phones on the ground, much less in the air. I’m looking forward to that 12 hour flight having to listen to  Yaksalot McChatty behind me. "Hello? Hello? ...Yes I'm here honey… Hello? Yes I made my flight. We're up in the air now! We might be late. Some halfwit put a giant jet down at the wrong airport.... No. I Don't hear static....Huh? ... Oh.....That noise?........That's just the emergency slide deploying....HELLO?”
 
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11/22/2013 7:18AM
Lisa's Morning News 11-22-13 Great. The Zapruder Film is on AGAIN.
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