Lisa's Morning News 11-27-13 Turn up the heat!
by Lisa Mason
posted Nov 27 2013 7:11AM
Merry Ironakkahgiving Bowl! If you’re not into turkey, are Jewish, or hate football there’s very little for you in the local headlines. Ahh holidays: the warm, rosy time where even nondrinkers start looking for hand sanitizer to drink just to ease the irritation of a few hours with Auntie Myrtle. Why not lift your holiday spirits by trying one of the hot new Thanksgiving themed cocktails making the rounds? The classic "Cosmopuritan," a trendy "Mayflower on the Rocks," or the traditional shot "Land on the Beach"
You can almost feel Christmas in the air. President Obama is hoping for a visit from the Spirit of Poll Numbers Past.
Susan “It’s a YouTube Video” Rice, our national security adviser, traveled to Kabul Monday for the signing of a security deal with Afghan President Hamid Karzai, but Karzai pulled-out at the last minute, saying he'll leave it up to his successor. The Obama administration is accusing Karzai of playing chicken with Rice.
Indonesia can’t catch a break! First an earthquake, then the typhoon and now a volcano has erupted. Over 15 thousand villagers in western Indonesia are fleeing lava smoke and gas from Mt Cinnibon.* Grey may be the new black this winter, but Indonesia is the new Haiti.
Jefferson County Commissioners say they’re addressing the problem with the now infamous tag lines at county courthouses, but some fear software upgrades will be useless. The Commission is seeking a Plan B but can’t scrape together enough money to buy it from CVS.
During a road trip to pitch the Affordable Care Act, President Obama visited the DreamWorks studios. It was appropriate, because in his dreams, the ObamaCare website works. Meanwhile, we now know that Oregon spent 300 million dollars on Obamacare, and has 0 enrollees. The state is beyond angry about this – that money could have been spent on new Duck’s jerseys for fans still wearing green. That’s soooooo “last quarter.”
And a few things you need to know …
On this date in 1839, the American Statistical Association was founded in Boston. It increased the number of Statistical Associations by 100%.
62-sheep are dead after a Union Pacific train hit a herd crossing the tracks during a blizzard in Utah. It took several hours to determine the total number of sheep killed because investigators kept falling asleep counting them. The rancher is irate, saying UP officials won’t give him an honest explanation for what happened. A railroad spokesperson told him, "Ewe can't handle the truth." Wow. Sheep jokes. Bah-Bah-Bah-Humbug!
25MPH winds with gusts that could reach 35MPH mean the giant balloons in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade may not fly on Thursday. I knew this would happen when the balloons merged with USAirways. I don’t understand the attraction of watching a parade – I work off of 280 where EVERY day is a bumper to bumper parade crawl.
and ... A Massachusetts mall Santa has been arrested for groping one of his teenage elves. The parents of the elf are outraged because the case went to small claims court. Making this even grosser – the Santa is 62! Bad news for him, workman’s comp doesn’t cover throwing your back out to while groping elves.
*Oh. It’s Mount Sinabung. I totally misheard that on the news.