Lisa's Morning News 12-11-13 SORRY YOU HAVE TO SCROLL TO GET TO THE CURRENT ENTR
by Lisa Mason
posted Dec 11 2013 8:05AM
President Obama’s selfie at Nelson Mandela’s memorial service isn’t raising as many eyebrows as the now infamous “seat-change” photo. Obama was photographed laughing it up with Denmark's glamorously blonde Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt. Later in the service, an irate Michelle Obama is pictured crouched angrily between the two. A quiet man is a thinking man, a quiet woman is usually mad as hell. When Barak asked Michelle, “What’s wrong, babe?” She replied, “Nothing.” Which we all know is female-code for, “You’re sleeping on the sofa again.”
Many Americans are upset at President Obama for shaking Cuban President Raul Castro's hand at the Mandela memorial service. Many Teapartiers are angry because Obama didn't put tacks in his hand when he did it. Some on the right say Obama shaking hands with the President of Cuba is far worse than the time he shook hands with the late Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez. Well, close, but no cigar. What did you want Obama to do? Michelle wouldn’t let him chat with Helle any more so he had to amuse himself elsewhere.
How did THIS happen so fast? The House and Senate have reached a budget deal that avoids another government shutdown for two years! It’s curious how many Congressmen left to attend Mandela’s memorial and suddenly things get done here. Hmmm.
A 6-year-old Colorado boy has been suspended for sexual harassment after he kissed a girl’s hand. This boy is in so much trouble: cooties aren't covered by ObamaCare.
Seriously, Denmark’s Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt really is a charmer! Who wouldn’t want to sit next to her at an official function? She just accepted my FB friend request. My new career goal is to be a Prime Minister and hyphenate my last name. I’ve also taken a selfie at a funeral, so I’m set!
Due to the low mercury count in Birmingham, Boutwell Auditorium will be opened as a warming station tonight and tomorrow from 6pm till 7am. Supply donations are needed as Boutwell IS a very old venue. Maybe we should build that domed stadium after all –the city could use a new place to use as a warming station in a few years.
We’re through the wormhole. Now Texas coach Mack Brown says he’s NOT retiring. Which makes it awkward for those reporting Nick Saban was offered a 10 year 100 million dollar deal to coach there. If I’m driving the Gus Bus, I’m a little insulted I wasn’t rumored to have reportedly been offered that alleged amount. I say to heck with Mack, Nick and Gus! Just fire them and put them all on a sitcom. “My Three Coaches.” No, wait, “Coached by an Angel!” Maybe “Hot in Opalika?” Nah, let’s call it “Too Coached for Comfort.”
Can’t really blame Obama for chatting with Helle during the memorial service. It was that OR be told by Michelle that he couldn’t get a hot dog from the stadium concession stand OR get stuck listening to Bill Clinton’s stories again about every female ever.
Tis the season for Manger Danger! Two families in Mt. Pleasant, Pennsylvania are searching for the thief who stole the baby Jesus from their front yard Nativity Scene. Isn't it possible Three Wise Men showed up, saw a baby sleeping outside in the cold and turned him into Child Protective Services?
And a few things you need to know …
On this date in 1816, Indiana became our 19th state. A guy named Jonathon Jennings gets credit for leading the drive for statehood, thus earning him the name "Hoosier Daddy!"
In 1892, the very first basketball game was played. The game was in its early form. They soon discovered they needed a "no tackling rule" and to get rid of the bats.
Did you watch the "Victoria's Secret Christmas Special" last night? They really should have left out the scenes that took place on the Island of Misfit Thongs.
Scientists say that a crater on Mars may have had enough moisture to at one time support life, or at least two Starbucks.
If you missed it, Sarah Palin has been signed to host a weekly show on "The Sportsman Channel." They were also going to do a hunting show with Dick Cheney, but the name "Survivor" was already taken.
American Airlines and U.S. Airways announce that their merger is official, making it the world's largest airline. Sadly, they wrapped up their press conference by announcing the cancellation of 1,600 flights due to snow storms. I bet that doesn't bother Helle, she's used to flying through snow since she's in Denmark.
And … Mary Barra is the new CEO of GM, she’s the first female to head a major U.S. automaker. Shattering the glass ceiling is no big deal for a woman who drove her Acadia through the front window of a 7-11 because she was putting on makeup. Did I just turn on my own kind and make a woman driver joke?
Filed Under :
Bill Clinton, Dick Cheney, Helle Thorning-Schmidt, Hugo Chavez, Jesus, Jonathon Jennings, Mack Brown, Mandela, Mary Barra, Michelle Obama, Nick Saban, Raul Castro, Sarah Palin