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Lisa Mason in the Morning


Lisa's Morning News 12-9-13

by Lisa Mason posted Dec 9 2013 7:26AM
It’s been a wild ride this season, but now the games are all decided and at last we know … Vanderbilt will take on Huston in the BBVA Compass Bowl at Legion Field! No one is more excited about this announcement than Pittsburg, who has been to the BBVA Bowl three times already. Last time, the Panthers BEGGED to be taken to Huntsville, they’d seen more of Birmingham than most people who live here. “Oh look, it’s the Civil Rights Museum again.” “Awesome. Vulcan again.” “Railroad Park? Oh joy we get to go for a walk. Again.”  At least the Vandy players will enjoy the tour of Children’s Hospital and UAB, they’ll get a sneak peek at where they’ll eventually be working.

Be happy you rented your eight maids a milking yesterday, due to disagreements on food stamps, Congress may not pass the Farm Bill which could cause milk prices to double by Christmas. Who cares? It’s the holiday season, all we drink is eggnog! $6 milk could be a concern for many. We may not be able to raise the minimum wage to $15.00 an hour, but school bullies who steal the other kid's milk money could retire by spring. It’s just ridiculous, first the high price of oil, now its milk going up. Somebody tell the bulls to do more drilling.

Here’s today’s dumbest reason to get killed: a 56 year old Birmingham man is dead, over an argument with his roommate about TV usage. Donald Stallworth was shot to death early Sunday and his roomie fled. Don’t these brainiacs know a TV is like 50 bucks if that? Living on the lam, hiding from Birmingham PD is WAY more expensive.

Documents show the NSA tracks as many as 5 Billion cell phones a day around the world. Want to bet almost half of those happen right behind you in the movie theater?

The Radiological Society of North America, doesn’t THAT sound like a fun bunch, says the nation's first full face transplant patients are literally growing into their new faces. They’ve noticed new blood vessel networks form, connecting transplanted skin with the patients' original facial tissue, improving facial functions and giving patients more control over their mouths. Mouth control? Can we get some of that for Alec Baldwin?

Some cable news talking heads say that Hillary Clinton's 2016 campaign theme should be “reestablishing the American Dream.” If taking your spouse's old job and turning him into the First Lady doesn't qualify as an American Dream, I don't know what does.
And a few things you need to know …

On this date in 1793, Noah Webster established New York's very first daily newspaper. Up until that time, Yankees didn’t have anything with which to line their birdcages.

In 1884, roller skates with ball bearings were patented.  They were much smoother than roller skates with rocks in them. (That sound you hear is me scraping the bottom of the news-barrel for anything that isn’t football related).

On this date in 1907, the very first Christmas Seals were sold. Oh, sure, they're cute when they balance balls on their noses, but they make whole house smell like low tide.

And ...The numbers are in and "The Sound of Music" was a hit for NBC, with the networks largest (non-football) ratings on a Thursday. Drat! There goes my: The hills are alive with the sound of "who cares" joke!  Solving a problem like Maria shouldn’t be too hard – wasn’t she already deported? NBC updated many songs for the live airing, my favorite was "I am Sixteen Going on Seventeen Straight Days Trying to Sign up on HealthCare.gov.” There was one touching moment at the end when the Lonely Goatherd was no longer lonely because he logged into FarmersOnly.com. Lay-ee ode lay-ee ode lay-hee hoo!
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12/09/2013 7:32AM
Lisa's Morning News 12-9-13
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