Lisa's Morning News (8-27-13) Nothing to see here...
by Lisa Mason
posted Aug 27 2013 8:09AM
After viewing the horrific video footage of mass atrocities, President Obama says he's seen enough, there’s proof the red line has been crossed. He's finally decided to take action to stop Miley Cyrus. President Obama is now backing away from his “red line” speech, saying the use of chemical weapons on citizens would not provoke a fight with the US but instead would “change his equation” on Syria. In other words: we ALL “misheard” him. Either that or the president is pretty bad at math. Secretary of State John Kerry says there’s zero doubt Syria used chemical weapons on it’s own people but President Bashar al-Assad blamed the dog.
The massive blaze called the "Rim Fire" remains partially contained in Northern California. Small patches are burning, but Miley Cyrus says she's taking penicillin and she should be okay in no time. The Rim Fire has now forced hundreds of residents to flee their homes. Or as citizens in Syria call that, “Tuesday.”
Birmingham and Tuscaloosa get hit by a VOTENADO today! Amid chants of “Two men enter, one man leaves” the election cage match is heating up. In the Ham, the critical School Board race has dozens of candidates strangely believe they have the Right Stuff to fix Birmingham schools. The shenanigans of the Board last year we so ridiculous, someone came out with a Birmingham School Board action figure – it talks and talks and you cannot get it to shut up. Hey, at least we have school busses so we’re one up on Hoover! Also being elected today, a Mayor and numerous City Council reps. Remember candidates, if at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried. You’ll fit right in. Polls are open till 7PM. Go! Vote! Vote often!
More than 360 dogs have been rescued in the 2nd largest dog fighting bust in U.S. history. Lee County had the largest number of rescued dogs. What’s Michael Vick doing in Auburn? You’d think he’d be busy.
And a few things you need to know…
On this date in 1907, UPS was born in Seattle, Washington. My neighbors think I’m having an affair with the UPS man because he’s at my house as much as I am.
The Green Bay Packers were created on this date back in… some year I just accidentally deleted. Up until that time, people in Wisconsin thought you stayed inside during the winter.
On this date in 1942, Cuba declared war on Germany, Japan and Italy. To which Germany, Japan and Italy replied, "Who declared what on where?”
EVERYBODY’S ready for some football.. and the new female ref in the NFL is drawing a bit of fire for being a bit too much of a feminist. How many penalties for too many men on the field can she call in one game?
A Texas man who claims to be a member of the "Pastafarian" religion has won the right to appear in his driver's license photo wearing a spaghetti strainer on his head. I say we toss the guy's head up against the wall and see if it sticks.
And … Can you believe 10.1 million people watched Sunday night's MTV Video Music Awards? More would have watched if MTV actually played music videos. Ratings were up 66% from last year. I think there may be a "6" missing there. Honestly, the worst part about the Miley Cyrus performance? You’ll never be able to go to a football game and look at a foam finger again without wondering where it's been.