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Lisa Mason in the Morning

 

Lisa's Morning News (8-29-13) One day I'll spellcheck. Today isn't that day.

by Lisa Mason posted Aug 29 2013 8:15AM
Iran says any strikes against Syria will result in an attack on Israel. Israel woke up suddenly, saying “Who with the what now?” It’s that feeling you get in a staff meeting and the Big Boss asks you about the QC reports that you have nothing to do with and weren’t even talking about. Meanwhile, President Obama says he’s not sure about a US strike but Joe Biden says he is convinced the Assad regime gassed it’s own people. His exact words were “I know what you did this summer.” Over in France, their president says he’s ready to punish Syria. How? With a really strongly-worded surrender letter?
 
Pope Francis said this week he's been disturbed by images of "terrible atrocities" in the world. I didn't even realize the Pope watched the VMA's.
 
George “tons of fun” Zimmerman won’t go to jail for anything. But his wife is on probation. Shellie Zimmerman pleaded guilty yesterday to lying in court about their finances.  Zimmerman says her marriage with George is now strained. Much like the waistbands on their pants.
 
 A U of A sorority offered some extra incentives to it’s members who voted on Tuesday; free drinks and a limo ride to the polls. Wow – limos and drinks from Chi O? We’ve come a long way from a sandwich and a bus ride!
 
Cue the Jefferson’s theme song. A $30 million apartment and retail project across from Railroad Park in Birmingham has the green light to start the development . All this celebrated “growth” and there’s not a single proper grocery store DOWN FREAKING TOWN. Help me, Publix. You’re my only hope.  
 
There were huge parties in Washington D.C. yesterday to commemorate the 50th anniversary of Martin Luther King's "I Have a Dream" speech. I'm pretty sure they weren't catered by Paula Deen even with her acquittal.   
 
Fast food workers are striking in 35 cities today, demanding more money. Please, they eat free at work so they already get high cholesterol, and diabetes free – what more do they want?
 
Here’s a timely repair. The San Francisco-Oakland Bay Bridge is closed for 5-days to replace a section that was damaged way back during the1989 earthquake. Pat Robertson says it's God's punishment because the bridge goes both ways.
 
And a few things you need to know…
 
In 1896, the American dish "Chop Suey" was served for the very first time to the visiting Chinese ambassador in New York. He was so delighted, he promised that one day, an American will come over to his country and win eight gold medals in the Olympics. 

 
On this date in 1977, three people were arrested in Memphis for plotting to dig up the body of Elvis Presley. What some people won't do to avoid paying the admission fee at Graceland. 
 
Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones are separating after 13-years of marriage. It's the classic love story. Old man meets young girl. Old man falls in love with and marries young girl. Old man blames young girl's lady parts for giving him throat cancer. Young girl takes old man for half of everything he's worth.  
 
While vacationing in the Bahamas, Justin Bieber swam with sharks. Don't worry; none of the sharks were harmed.
 
The historic parking garage where Washington Post investigative reporter Bob Woodward secretly met with Watergate whistleblower Deep Throat is facing demolition, even though some people want it preserved. However, by "it", I'm not sure if those people mean the parking garage or the Washington Post.
 
Birthday today? You share it with Robin Leach, Mr. "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous." He turns 72 today. He's got a new show called, "Lifestyles of Somebody and I can't remember who." 
 
Also, author William Friedkin turns 74 today. He wrote "The Exorcist." Don’t know what possessed him to do that. 
08/29/2013 8:15AM
Lisa's Morning News (8-29-13) One day I'll spellcheck. Today isn't that day.
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