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Lisa Mason in the Morning

 

Lisa's Morning News (9-13-13) Hurry up offense on news today.

by Lisa Mason posted Sep 13 2013 8:02AM
A new survey finds that 8 out of 10 Americans feel that Syria is -- OMS,look! Is that Miley Cyrus on a wrecking ball? Anyway, Some say if Russia is able to shut down Syria's chemical weapons program,  Vladimir Putin could win the Nobel Peace Prize. Can we get him a shirt first?   President Obama says that if we do  go ahead and attack Syria, American boots will not touch the ground. What an odd coincidence. On Monday the U.S. Military unveiled a new line of shoes, sandals, loafers, wing tips, pumps and flip flops. 
 
NASA's Voyager 1 has left the solar system, boldly going where no machine has gone before. Thirty-six years after it rocketed away from Earth, the plutonium-powered spacecraft is now cruising 11 1/2 billion miles away in interstellar space. The only thing further away from President Obama is most Democrats. 12-billion miles away yet it STILL can't erase Miley Cyrus from its memory functions. Voyager’s final transmission back to Earth was, “V’Ger wants to join with the creator.”    
 
The spill of 1,400 tons of molasses in Honolulu Harbor has suffocated thousands of fish. This is terrible news unless you're Long John Silver's.  
 
New reports from China's state media suggest that the government in Beijing may consider changing their one-child-only policy. Worried parents with one child said, "We're talking about revising it UPWARDS, right?" 
 
It’s Friday the 13th. Can someone explain what this hockey player is doing in my studio?
 
And a few things you need to know…
 
On this date in 1959, Soviet Lunik II became the first human-made object to crash on the moon. Yes, it operated on Windows.    
 
On this date in 1788, the United States designated New York City as our country's temporary capitol. In the words of one of our founding fathers, "If we can make it there, we can make it anywhere."
 
The good news? Archaeologists in Africa have discovered enormous water reservoirs underneath Northern Kenya. The bad news? They were actually looking for President Obama's real birth certificate.
 
And finally … Apple has announced a much lower-priced iPhone. It looks like a regular iPhone, but instead of Siri, you get her second cousin who works as a fry cook.
Filed Under :
Topics : Politics
09/13/2013 8:02AM
Lisa's Morning News (9-13-13) Hurry up offense on news today.
Please Enter Your Comments Below
09/13/2013 8:11AM
V'Ger
V'Ger will be assimilated! V'Ger will join with the creator. Resistance will be futile!
09/13/2013 6:11PM
I give!
"Revised upward". Very funny.
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