Lisa's Morning News "Born in Arizona, moved to Babylonia"
by Lisa Mason
posted Nov 6 2013 7:27AM
Food rationing begins today in New Jersey; Chris Christy was just elected to a second term as governor.
In case you didn’t already have a headache, the company behind the disastrous Healthcare.gov has been awarded NEW government contracts. CGI Federal Inc, will rake in about $7 million for computer and software development at the Department of Health and Human Services, the Department of Commerce, and the EPA. I don’t have a joke for this story because the story itself is a joke. And it’s on us.
Secretary of State John Kerry is in Saudi Arabia, trying to mend frayed relations with our “ally.” The Saudis are angry with the way the Obama administration has handled the situations in Syria, Egypt and Iran. Perhaps Kerry will remember tomention that we're still pretty miffed at Saudi Arabia for the 19-suicide bombers they sent over in 2001.
Rant alert! A grand jury has indicted Staff Sargent Katherine Papke on manslaughter charges in the heat-related death of her son. Papke forgot to drop her four month old off at daycare back in August, leaving him in the car while she was at work. A Homewood mother, who did the same thing, was never charged. Both mothers face a lifetime of anguish for these identically tragic mistakes … so why charge one and not the other? Own a nail salon? Expect an outpouring of public sympathy and no legal punishment. Serve our country? Expect charges, fines and scorn. It’s now up to a judge to drop the manslaughter charges against Papke.
Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has admitted to smoking crack with a street-gang of Somali drug dealers. Ford could be charged with possession, violating his oath of office and impersonating Marion Barry. Ford accepts full responsibility for his actions, and I expected him to blame Canada …
There is a meeting tomorrow night for Hoover parents angry over the school bus cuts. It’s at the Artists on the Bluff building in Bluff Park and is geared to help prepare parents for a future without school bus service. One Hoover city councilman is spending nearly $30,000 of his own money to fund a study on the bus situation. Wow. Couldn’t he just buy the system a bus with that?
While it’s doubtful he was texting and driving, British scientists now think 19-year-old King Tutankhamen died in a chariot accident. What will it take before we finally do something about those paparazzi? The young pharaoh’s death really put a damper on that year's "Toys for Tuts" campaign. Doctors performed a "virtual autopsy" to make their claim. It’s truly pathetic that “The Living Image of Amen and Ruler of Heliopolis” had to wait 3,000 years just to get an autopsy. Obamacare’s been around longer than we thought.
And a few things you need to know…
On this date in 1860, Abraham Lincoln was elected our country's 16th president. As part of the job, he got the White House, a nice office and theater tickets.
On this date in 1861, Jefferson Davis was elected for a 6-year term as President of the Confederacy. That automatically made him the coach of the South for the annual "North-South" game.
A new Broadway show tells the story of the life of Jesus Christ by using the songs of Britney Spears. Does anybody really want to see Jesus being lashed while singing, "Hit Me Baby One More Time?” Nope.
Green Bay Packers star quarterback Aaron Rodgers is out for at least 3-weeks with a broken collarbone, and the Monday Night Football game wasn't even over before speculation circulated about Brett Favre returning to the QB job. It would take weeks to get Favre ready to go, and even then he might not deliver. No, wait a minute, that's the ObamaCare website. I got confused.
86 year old Joy Johnson from California became the oldest woman to run the New York Marathon, and died the day after. People I will never be as tough as: this lady. As my friend Spud once said, “If you ever see me out ‘jogging,’ shoot the guy directly behind me. I’m not jogging, I’m being chased.”
Kellogg is reducing its global workforce by 7%. That's not so GR-R-R-R-EAT for Tony the Tiger.
K-Mart has decided to open at 6am on Thanksgiving morning and stay open for 41 hours straight. They’ll be giving employees bonus pay in exchange for missing out on family time and hahahahaha. No they’re not. Those poor people are probably being threatened with execution if they want Thanksgiving off. What would the Pilgrims think? Probably that “Black Friday is to honour those who burned their turkey.” They’d probably also ask “What is a K-Mart and why are they open?”
And … a new Dutch study says parents who put their children first are much happier than parents who insist on a lot of "me time." Of course, the study goes onto say that parents who insist on lots of “me time” are much more likely to get their own reality shows.
Filed Under :
Aaron Rodgers, Abraham Lincoln, Brett Favre, Britney Spears, Chris Christy, Jefferson Davis, Jesus Christ, John Kerry, Joy Johnson, Katherine Papke, Marion Barry, Rob Ford, Spud, Tutankhamen