October 1, 2014
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Lisa Mason in the Morning

 

Lisa's Morning News "Happy Halloween! Can we roll DC since they have no treats?"

by Lisa Mason posted Oct 31 2013 8:54AM
Happy All Hallows Eve! A new poll says 74 percent of Americans will hand out candy to trick-or-treaters. Until we run out, then it’s Sucrets or mints stolen from O’Charley’s.
 
Meet the Grinch who stole Halloween! A North Dakota woman named “Cheryl” told a radio show that she tonight plans on giving treats to skinny kids, but any tubby ones will get a letter in their bag. The letter scolds parents for allowing a heavy child to trick-or-treat.  Wow, Michelle Obama moved to North Dakota? There’s a way to go about things, and this isn’t it. Shame a kid in public? Open the door for eating disorders because of the humiliation? The only good thing about this story is, the woman lives in North Dakota ... where birds fly upside down because there’s nothing worth pooping on.
 
Did you see that questioning yesterday? First the Wicked Witch of the West Wing was under oath, then under fire, then under pressure and then she was under a bus. I suppose it's understandable that President Obama would throw Sebelius under the bus. He couldn't throw the 10,535-page health care law under there. You name me one bus with that much clearance underneath. Of course, the Tea Party says they have a vehicle big enough to throw the health care law under… and they're going to do it at the Monster Truck Rally. Truckasaurus VS. ObamaGeddon! Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! TO be fair, the president says he's finally read all 10,535-pages. Not the Affordable Health Care Act, a dossier of letters from insurance companies informing Americans they can't keep their doctors or health care coverage.  Mr. Obama says it’s actually a good thing that you’ve been dropped by an insurance plan you once liked … because that plan was never good for you anyway. Yes, the president is handling our legitimate healthcare complaints like your mom did when that guy dumped you after prom.  
 
Our foreign allies are really ticked that we've been spying on them all these years. Of course, we know that because we spied on them.   
 
Congrats to the Red Sox on that baseball win thing. Call me suspicious, but I think the White House scheduled a speech in Boston just so staffers could get a free ride on Air Force One to the World Series. President Obama was in Boston to deliver a speech on health care and would have been invited to throw out the first pitch, but lately, everything he throws ends up under the bus. You have to give him credit. It's hard to find time to throw your supporters under the bus when you’re always so busy throwing mud and taxpayer money.
 
John McCain says even though he'll be 80 in 2016, he's seriously considering running for reelection. McCain swears he's vital, healthy, connected and Internet savvy. I hear McCain was born in a Blog Cabin.
 
And because I haven’t yapped about Healthcare.gov enough this morning. The Obama administration fell on their sword Tuesday apologizing and admitting that big mistakes were made. I'm not sure if they were talking about ObamaCare or by the American people in the 2008-2012 Presidential Elections.
 
And a few things you need to know …
 
Happy Birthday to Nick Saban! Coincidence his birthday falls on Hallows Eve? Yes. It completely is.
 
On this date in 1956, an American landed a plane at the South Pole for the very first time, in one of the worst time-share swaps in recorded history. 
 
It was on this date, back in 1517, that Martin Luther nailed his 95 theses to the door of the church. This was beginning of what eventually would become the Lutheran religion and the invention of casseroles.
 
The house John Lennon grew up in was sold at auction this week. Strawberry Fields aren’t forever.
 
In Italy, art restorers removed 17-coats of paint from a castle wall to reveal a Leonardo Da Vinci mural that has been hidden for at least 500 years. Hidden for at least 500 years? Can we work out that deal with the Kardashians?
 
There's speculation now that Joe Biden may serve as Hillary Clinton's Vice President if she wins the 2016 Presidential Elections. Joe would basically do what he does now. Make coffee and re-charge people's cell phones.
 
A bacon and beer loving burglar is loose in North Dakota! A 30-year-old Bismarck woman reports that someone broke into her home, and then cooked her bacon in the microwave! Her beer was also missing. Police wouldn't say whether the suspect, if caught, could face additional charges for the crime of cooking bacon in a microwave.
 
After being arrested for punching a man last weekend, Chris Brown has entered a rehab clinic. Why rehab? If Chris wants to learn how to stop beating people, he should just talk to the Jacksonville Jaguars.   
 
Some black shoppers are claiming they were racially profiled at a Macy's store in New York City. You can learn all about it in the upcoming movie, "MiraKKKle on 34th Street."
 
Keith Urban told Ellen DeGeneres this week he enjoys sending naughty texts his wife, Nicole Kidman. I'm pretty sure the NSA enjoys it too.    
 
And finally … I got a Facebook message from a parent telling me to stop talking about trick or treating on the air because of the threat of poison apples and candy. Every year it's the same with rumors of evil people. According to Snopes and LiveScience.com, there are only two known cases of Halloween candy poisoning in America, and both involved relatives! In 1970, a boy died of a heroin overdose and investigators did find it on his candy. The boy had accidentally consumed some of his uncle's heroin stash, and the family had sprinkled some on the candy to try and cover it up. The only other case on record happened in 1974 when a boy was poisoned by his own father for insurance money. It’s always good to be cautious though, so don’t eat anything your relatives give you! Also, let an adult inspect everything – we promise we might not eat it after you go to bed. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have another pumpkin to carve (that’ll be 10 this year) and then I’m going to eat this apple my Great-Aunt Bedelia sent me. I’m sure it’s just fine!
Happy Samhain!  
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10/31/2013 8:54AM
Lisa's Morning News "Happy Halloween! Can we roll DC since they have no treats?"
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