Lisa's Morning News "One More Day!" Where's the candy?
by Lisa Mason
posted Oct 30 2013 7:25AM
It's Halloween Eve. Do you open your bags of candy on Halloween Eve or Halloween morning?
The House Ways and Means committee today fires up the grill to welcome Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sibelius. Given what historically happens to witches near open flame this time of year, Kathleen should wear asbestos support-hose. Some men are having a hard time believing Sibelius’ claims she says she never told President Obama that Healthcare.gov was FUBAR. At issue with the men is that they don’t remember the last time a woman was able to keep a secret.
The management consultant brought in by the White House to fix President Obama's hobbled health-insurance exchange website, has promised that HealthCare.gov will be working for most Americans by the end of November … which is an appropriate time for a big, over-stuffed turkey to come out of the oven.
Think this Obamacare mess doesn’t affect you? Au contraire! I ordered a Doctor Frankenstein costume online, it has goggles, a cool lab coat and leather gloves… instead they sent me a BRIDE of Frankenstein costume. WTH? Obama said I could keep my doctor!
If you were expecting a huge shipment of weed, it’s not coming. A routine traffic stop yesterday on 20/59 led to the seizure of 490 pounds of marijuana. The semi-truck, which was en route to Maine, was hauling squash along with the duffel bags of weed. They’ll pull this guy over but not the semi who hit 459 from 280 doing 80 miles an hour in the rain?
You can have jobs and economic growth, but you have to smell peppers all day. It wasn’t worth it for one small Cally town who is now suing the maker of the famous Sriracha chili sauce. Huy Fong Foods is being asked to shut down their plant because the pepper fumes harm the locals. In fact, population in Irwindale is declining. Oh no! They’re making it out of people! SRIRACHA CHILI SAUCE IS PEOPLE!
And a few things you need to know …
This was the day back in 1938, Orson Welles did his famous broadcast of "War of the Worlds," which caused a nation-wide panic. It was just a radio play, but people who tuned in late thought we really been invaded by Martians. Yes, there was a time where our country was one big Honey-Boo-Boo family.
On this date in 1945, the U.S. government ended national shoe rationing. Husbands everywhere suppressed the news as long as they could. This is just one more reason I never would have survived World War II.
The tallest man in the world, Turkey's Sultan Kosen, got married over the weekend. He stands 8-foot 3-inches tall. He also has the Guinness Book of World Records for number of times being asked, "Do you play basketball?"
A new study shows that 9 in 10 workers who are age 50 or older say they are satisfied with their job. They also say “stay off my lawn!”
“Bad Granpa” is expected to be the number one movie again this weekend. Why shell out $8.00 to see "Bad Grampa" when he's already coming over for free on Thanksgiving?
And … The Jonas Brothers say they're calling it quits. The announcement was made by the ugly one. Let me get this straight -- did the Jonas brothers quit being brothers, or just broke up the group? One Direction: it’s your move.