Lisa's Morning News "Show Spider-pug some love!"
by Lisa Mason
posted Oct 28 2013 7:44AM
Everybody had a fabulous time at the annual White House Halloween Party. They played “Spin the Biden," and "Pin the Blame on Kathleen Sebelius." Sounds lame. I like traditional Halloween parties. Bobbing for outdated Apple iPhones just doesn't do it for me. Here’s a shocker -- Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups have replaced Candy Corn as America's favorite Halloween treat. Trying to sign up for ObamaCare remains America's worst Halloween trick.
US allies are asking the UN to tell us to stop eavesdropping on them. Great, now we’re gonna get a stern letter in the mail. Seriously, we now know the NSA spied on 124 billion phone calls during a one month period. And that was just in movie theaters!
At least five are dead and 38 injured after a Jeep crashed and caught fire in Tiananmen Square, right in front of the Mao Zedong portrait that hangs over one of China’s most sensitive areas. Chinese officials say this is the worst tragedy in Tiananmen Square since hundreds were killed by a stampede of capitalist unicorns* in 1989.
The Alabama Obesity Task Force has launched a yearlong campaign to try to get people to make healthy choices when deciding what to drink. There’s a task force for this? Where’s a stack of furloughs when you need them. The "ReThink Your Drink" campaign is aimed at reducing consumption of sugar-sweetened beverages like tea. Try to take sweet tea away from an Alabamian and you’ll pull back five of the shortest fingers that ever tried to deal a hand of poker.
And a few things you need to know…
On this date in 1726, "Gulliver's Travels" was first published for the first time. Author Jonathon Swift thanked all the little people who made the book possible.
Captain James Cook was born on this date in 1728. He was the early explorer best known for having cheap champagne named after him.
This was the date back in 1929, a baby was born on board an airplane for the very first time. And you thought having a little kid kick the back of your seat was annoying.
Kim Kardashian says she is the "luckiest girl in the world." True, I suppose, if you don't include the guy in the cell next to Chris Brown.
"Lord of the Rings" star Orlando Bloom and his wife of 6-years have separated. A hastily cobbled-together group of companions is offering to join Orlando in a quest to get his ring back.
Here in the U.S., we’re getting ready for Halloween, but in Mexico they’re prepping for the Day of the Dead, where SOME people believe the dead walk the earth again. Or, as our politicians call that, "prospective voters."
And … Céline Dion is the latest victim of the internet death hoax – but she’s still alive. In fact she was just given a box of boomerangs by the Australian Prime Minister who was recently visiting Vegas. Celine threw them away but they’re “All Coming Back to [her] Now.”**
*AKA “Communist tanks.”
**Pack a lunch. That’s about as far as you can go for a Celine Dion joke.