Lisa Mason’s Blog

Lisa Mason in the Morning

LMN 4-19-16 Still no updates? What gives?

Sorry for the lack of news updates. I’m currently running an on-air contest that airs where one of my newscasts used to. Until I’m out of the contest, I don’t have to write as many headlines which

LMN 3-21-16

Welcome to Spring! Guess we have to spend the day pulling out the winter clothes we put away last week. Sorry you’re going to have to dress for all four seasons at once today. Arriving in Cuba,

LMN 3-14-16 Pi Day and Ink!

If you forgot to set whichever clocks don’t automatically update – you are an hour late. I just left the clock in my car the way it was because I never changed it last time. At least

LMN 3-9-16

President Obama is skipping Nancy Reagan’s funeral to attend the South by Southwest Music Festival. Weird. I thought having more republican funerals was at the top of Obama’s bucket list. Trump won some stuff yesterday. Michigan still

LMN 3-8-15 PANCAKE DAY PANCAKE DAY

Today is National Pancake Day! You get free pancakes when you dine in at Ihop. I don’t have time to get by there so I’ll be making my own. Adding water to a box of pancake mix

LMN 3-4-16 A LITTLE news

The only voice of reason in last night’s GOP fight club disguised as a debate was Dr. Ben Carson. Because he wasn’t there. All of Syria is without power after a bomb struck a single site that

2-15-16 Happy Cheap Candy Day!!!

Time to get out and hit the after Valentine’s Day sales. No really – it IS! It’s half price chocolate day today! Really – hope you had a nice valentines’. Love means never having to say you’re

LMN 2-9-15 The Mardi Gras Edition!

Time to get out and hit those “After Chinese New Year” sales that you’ll have to hit an hour after you hit the first one. Mardi Gras is today! It is the one day of the year

LMN 2-4-16 Puppies, Prizes and OUTRAGE!

Donald Trump has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. He won’t win, but at least he won’t lose to Ted Cruz. Meanwhile, Rick Santorum endorsed Rubio and dropped out of the race. Wait – Rick Santorum

LMN 2-1-16 Columbia Rememberances!

A blizzard threatens the Iowa caucuses, it could potentially leave the candidates and media snowed in. It was bad enough last year to be snowed in with strangers or coworkers you don’t like – can you imagine

LMN 1-26-16 Happy Australia Day, Mate!

Congrats on only being 12 cups of coffee away from the weekend! On to the headlines… On this date in 1788, Australia was founded! To celebrate Australia Day, it is tradition to get drunk by 9:am and

LMN 1-20-16 So did they really say SNOW?

Former Lensecrafters spokesmodel Sara Palin has endorsed Donald Trump … in a 17 minute run on sentence. Bernie Sanders says he had no idea homeless people were turned away from sheltering in the Boutwell Auditorium because of

LMN 1-13-16 Merry Powerball Eve.

Last night’s state of the union was … Oregon. Congrats Oregon for being this year’s state of the union! Oh wait. I’m so sorry. NEBRASKA is the state of the union. I made a mistake. Please remove

LMN 1-5-16 News is Back. Mostly…

President Obama today announces gun control measures by executive order. That sound you hear is every gun store in the nation making enough money to retire to Fiji. The feud between Iran and Saudi Arabia is freaking

Vacation starts now! We’ll chat in a week unless I’m eaten by a bear in which case … it has been swell. If you need me immediately, please print out the question you can probably answer yourself,

LMN 12-2-15 Glitter: the new face of evil.

The Pentagon plans to send additional U.S. special operations forces to Iraq to conduct raids on Islamic State targets. To keep the government’s promise of “no boots on the grounds”, the troops will all be wearing loafers.

LMN 11-30-15 Happy December Eve!

Hope you and yours had a great Thanksgiving holiday … and that your family is large enough that you could sneak off to watch TV without ever being missed. So we had Thanksgiving Thursday, Black Friday, Shop

LMN 11-24-15 Doomsday or Black Friday?

Tell me, is it too soon to put my Cyber Monday decorations up? The spats continue to rage on Facebook over the vetting of refugees. I can hear the questions at immigration: “Surely you can’t be Syrian?”

LMN 11-16-15

In the wake of the attacks on Paris, ISIS says they will strike America next. Anyone else think the only way to get rid of these guys is for them to kidnap a member of Liam Nissan’s

LMN 11-5-15

Today is National Stress Awareness day. A day I celebrate 365 days a year. Jeb Bush’s polling numbers have him at just 4%, which is below Carson, Trump, Rubio, Fiorina and Cruz, but above skim milk. Google

LMN 11-4-15 News is back for a minute

Just a reminder that if you want to get your votes to count, you have to have your ballot – oh. Wait. It’s Wednesday. Never mind. In New Mexico, a guy killed his roommate, fearing he was

LMN 10-20-15

NASA says an asteroid will come freakishly close to Earth on Halloween Night. So the end of the world chatter has started back up – Remember when Doomsday nuts just yelled from the street corner instead of

LMN 10-6-15 It’s Lisa’s Morning News!

Hillary Clinton says she’ll use executive privilege to enact gun control because she doesn’t know how Constitutional amendments work. Or that she’s not yet been elected. Or that she’ll probably be charged over that whole email thing.

LMN 9-30-15 Here is your thing

Vlad’s Putin’ on the blitz! Russia is telling us to stop airstrikes in Syria and we’re likely going to do what he says. Is it cold in here or is it just the war? Brown University is

LMN 9-29-15 It’s news. Kinda. Meh?

Time to get out and hit those “After another Doomsday that didn’t happen” sales. Today is National Coffee Day. I always drink iced coffee because by the time I get a break to take a sip of

LMN 9-24-15 Hey! The Pope is here — behave!

Pope Francis addressed Congress today. He spoke on fundamental values but had to spend 25 minutes explaining to lawmakers what “fundamental values” actually are. I’m glad Congress doesn’t have to emit black smoke every time nothing gets

LMN 9-23-15 Happy Birthday Da!

My news today was extremely “OK.” So I’m taking up valuable internet space for telling my daddy happy birthday! Trust me, that’s a lot more fun than a tedious Trump joke, a crack about how Pumpkin Spice

LMN 9-22-15 It’s Fall Eve!

Happy last day of Summer! As Scott Walker ends his presidential bid to the sound of tumbleweed blowing, a Muslim group is demanding Ben Carson leave the race because he said he just didn’t think that faith

LMN 9-16-15 Now with PLAGUE?

The GOP soundbite contest is tonight. CNN promises to make it “inflammatory.” Honestly, I saw a trailer for the debate and thought it was the next Mission Impossible film. OK – so we finally have a date

LMN 9-15-15 Let’s get our Doom on!

With a Supermoon AND lunar eclipse coming on the 27, an exploding fireball over Thailand and a weird convergence of events, lot of “preppers” are stocking up on doomsday supplies. I’ve got chapstick and gum so I’m

LMN 9-10-15 OKOK, Here’s some news.

Donald Trump says Carly Fiorina won’t be president because of her looks. This from a puffy guy with a wilted Wembley Fraggle on his head? The new iPhones are available for preorder this Saturday. They are made

LMN 9-3-15 Now with tractor beams!

There was a fire last night at the US Space and Rocket Center in Huntsville. It started in the administrative building. Last time administrators had to put out a fire like that was when Beyoncé used Challenger

LMN 8-21-15 So is M*A*S*H coming back on?

Angry that M*A*S*H lasted longer than the Korean war, both Koreas preparing for a sequel. After exchanging fire, North Korea sent a threatening fax to South Korea. I’m not really threatened by a country that still uses

LMN 7-30-15 Lisa’s Morning News?

I think a lesson to learn here is never let a Minnesota dentist plan your trip to Africa. Because I mentioned that you really have to do your research before spending a giant bag of money on

Tomorrow is the official release date of Windows 10. I’m half excited, while the other half of me expects Arnold Schwarzenegger to return from the future to tell me, “Don’t do it!” Turkey is now enforcing a

LMN 7-22-15

Welcome to today’s edition of Lisa’s Morning News. That’s where I get the “LMN,” if you’re new around here. Short report today since A) the news is all depressing and B) my studio is too cold to

LMN 7-20-15 Happy Moon Day!

Today is the 46th anniversary of the Moon landing! I went to the rocket station once and asked for a ticket to the Moon but the attendant told me “Sorry ma’am, the Moon is full right now.”

LMN 7-14-15 Finally recovered that pesky password!

Getting so tired of this being in the headlines. Every day someone discovers a new thing that is currently oppressing them or attacking them. Why can’t my over-active studio air conditioner be listed as offensive? There’s a

LMN 6-16-15 Call me Kate Upton

Tropical storm Bill is poised to flood Texas. Bill? What kind of a scary storm name is that? Bill sounds like your drunk uncle who can’t even be trusted to bring ice to your 4th of July

hope

LMN 6-9-15 Make a soccer joke here

Team USA beat the Australians yesterday in the Women’s World Cup. Hope the boss doesn’t mind me taking off early today to watch a match I was going to watch here on my laptop anyway. Fans turned

LMN 6-1-15 Who’s Spyin’ Now?

With portions of the Patriot Act expiring, the NSA is no longer allowed to spy on us. Not that it’s very hard to spy on us given we post all of our business online anyway. I would

Lisa Mason's News – 05/22/15

ISIS seized the ancient city of Palmyra in Syria this week, many speculating they will destroy the significant Roman ruins there. They include a 2,000 year old temple, a theater from the same period, and the city’s

LMN 5-8-15 News for Friday

Turns out the NSA’s data collection program was completely illegal. Most Americans don’t care since they already post all their personal dirt publicly on Facebook anyway. Joe Biden is STILL considering running for president. Personally, I think

LMN 5-7-15 News is Back! Such as it is.

It was a dark and stormy night across the plains as 46 twisters roared through towns like a band of drunken rustlers hell-bent on destruction, laughing at the inconvenient damage in their wake as if they were

LMN 5-4-15 May the Fourth be with You!

Happy Star Wars day! May the Fourth be with you! The latest Royal Baby was born Saturday – which makes Monday slightly more depressing since we’re being reminded we weren’t born into royalty and have to go

LMN 4-30-15 Riots, emails and indie film.

Investigators have located over 6 thousand emails from Lois Lerner, the IRS toady at the center of the scandal involving the targeting of conservative groups. Guess she didn’t have her own server. There’s a group wanting to

Lisa Mason's News – 04/28/15

Baltimore is in ruins this morning after a night of looting, burning and rioting supposedly related to the death of Freddie Gray, the man who died in police custody. Baltimore’s mayor said, “we gave those that wanted

LMN 4-28-15 Namaste Nepal

Baltimore is in ruins this morning after a night of looting, burning and rioting supposedly related to the death of Freddie Gray, the man who died in police custody. Baltimore’s mayor said, “we gave those that wanted

LMN 4-17-15 The Force is strong with this news.

The new “Star Wars” trailer is out! It is 2 minutes of Jar Jar Binks being disemboweled so I’ve already bought 100 tickets. No seriously, any smart politician would have announced their candidacy by paying to have

Lisa Mason's News – 04/16/15

As Hillary Clinton’s Misery Machine continues chugging cross country, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is poised to enter the presidential arena. Christie says he will crack down on legal marijuana if he became president. I believe that

LMN 4-16-15 Gyrocopter? You brought ‘er…

Time to get out and hit those “After Tax Day” sal– oh wait you don’t have any money left. As Hillary Clinton’s Misery Machine continues chugging cross country, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is poised to enter

LMN 4-15-15 Happy Tax Day!

It’s tax day! I’m told you never appreciate your kids more than when you are doing taxes. Hillary announced she’s running. Bill announced he’s not chasing. She is currently barnstorming through Iowa riding in a creepy panel

LMN 4-14-15 That logo really IS sillery.

It’s Tax Day Eve! Do you open your wallet tonight or wait till morning? Before you try to do your own taxes, remember the grades you used to get in math. Florida Senator Marco Rubio has announced

Lisa Mason's News – 04/13/15

It's political season! The perfect time of year to weed out your Facebook friend list! With a handful of chuckleheads already announcing their intentions, Hillary Clinton says she’s decided to run for president. Um, when did she

Lisa Mason’s News – 03/26/15

President Obama is in town today. I will seriously trade five Taliban prisoners NOT to get stuck in motorcade traffic. Please, I have a client meeting. A massive asteroid will skim the Earth tomorrow. It’s expected to

Lisa Mason’s News – 03/25/15

The White House says Israel is spying on the nuclear talks with Iran, Israel denies it. The White House maintains, “Did SO!” To which Israel responded, “Nuh-UH!” Which caused the White House to state, “Liar liar” before

LMN 3-17-15 Erin Go Bragh!

Sláinte! Today is the anniversary of the death of St. Patrick, who, according to legend, drove all the snakes out of Ireland. Of course, that was back when gas was only 1 cent a litre so he

LMN 3-16-15 Lisa’s Morning News

It’s St. Patrick’s Day Eve! Do you lose your dignity tonight or in the morning? It’s also the day to get out and hit those “After the Ides of March” sales. The terror group Boko Haram has

LMN 3-10-15 News to nap with!

There are some new Apple thingies hitting the market, which means your old Apple thingies now look completely junky and dull. The awesome new Apple thingies do the same things as your crappy old Apple thingies, but

LMN 3-2-15 What does the Spock say?

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu addresses Congress tomorrow. He’s expected to settle, once and for all, what colour that stupid dress is. The first Dallas nurse to contract Ebola is suing the hospital, saying they didn’t do

Lisa Mason's News – 02/24/15

There is a specific terror threat against U.S. shopping malls. Be vigilant! If you're at the mall and you SEE something, SAY something. Unless you're at LensCrafters. In that case, ask someone who can actually SEE to

LMN 2-24-15 Snow makes me angry.

With the threat of snow continuing, crazed shoppers have turned the milk and bread aisles of Publix into their own personal Benghazi. I always buy MY milk sandwiches pre-made. I don’t want to issue an ultimatum here

Lisa Mason's News – 02/20/15

Police in Harlan, Kentucky have issued an arrest warrant for Queen Elsa from “Frozen.”  I guess there’s not enough true love in the nation to thaw it out. That’s cute, but please Let it Go.   Nearly

LMN 2-20-15 Let it NO.

Police in Harlan, Kentucky have issued an arrest warrant for Queen Elsa from “Frozen.” I guess there’s not enough true love in the nation to thaw it out. That’s cute, but please Let it Go. Nearly 200

Lisa Mason's News – 02/13/15

It's Friday the 13th! The scariest day of the year, unless of course you forget tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I’ll take Friday the 13th over Monday the 15th any day; I’m not superstitious but I DO hate

LMN 1-26-15 IT'S COMING RIGHT FOR US

Already we have travel disruptions because a blizzard is going to hit New York later. They’re calling it Winter Storm 2015. Uh, it’s only January, what happens if there’s ANOTHER winter storm this year? Alabama’s ban on