Lisa Mason’s Blog

Lisa Mason in the Morning

LMN 4-17-15 The Force is strong with this news.

The new “Star Wars” trailer is out! It is 2 minutes of Jar Jar Binks being disemboweled so I’ve already bought 100 tickets. No seriously, any smart politician would have announced their candidacy by paying to have

Lisa Mason's News – 04/16/15

As Hillary Clinton’s Misery Machine continues chugging cross country, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is poised to enter the presidential arena. Christie says he will crack down on legal marijuana if he became president. I believe that

LMN 4-16-15 Gyrocopter? You brought ‘er…

Time to get out and hit those “After Tax Day” sal– oh wait you don’t have any money left. As Hillary Clinton’s Misery Machine continues chugging cross country, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is poised to enter

LMN 4-15-15 Happy Tax Day!

It’s tax day! I’m told you never appreciate your kids more than when you are doing taxes. Hillary announced she’s running. Bill announced he’s not chasing. She is currently barnstorming through Iowa riding in a creepy panel

LMN 4-14-15 That logo really IS sillery.

It’s Tax Day Eve! Do you open your wallet tonight or wait till morning? Before you try to do your own taxes, remember the grades you used to get in math. Florida Senator Marco Rubio has announced

Lisa Mason's News – 03/26/15

President Obama is in town today. I will seriously trade five Taliban prisoners NOT to get stuck in motorcade traffic. Please, I have a client meeting. A massive asteroid will skim the Earth tomorrow. It’s expected to

Lisa Mason's News – 03/25/15

The White House says Israel is spying on the nuclear talks with Iran, Israel denies it. The White House maintains, “Did SO!” To which Israel responded, “Nuh-UH!” Which caused the White House to state, “Liar liar” before

LMN 3-17-15 Erin Go Bragh!

Sláinte! Today is the anniversary of the death of St. Patrick, who, according to legend, drove all the snakes out of Ireland. Of course, that was back when gas was only 1 cent a litre so he

LMN 3-16-15 Lisa’s Morning News

It’s St. Patrick’s Day Eve! Do you lose your dignity tonight or in the morning? It’s also the day to get out and hit those “After the Ides of March” sales. The terror group Boko Haram has

LMN 3-10-15 News to nap with!

There are some new Apple thingies hitting the market, which means your old Apple thingies now look completely junky and dull. The awesome new Apple thingies do the same things as your crappy old Apple thingies, but

LMN 3-2-15 What does the Spock say?

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu addresses Congress tomorrow. He’s expected to settle, once and for all, what colour that stupid dress is. The first Dallas nurse to contract Ebola is suing the hospital, saying they didn’t do

Lisa Mason's News – 02/24/15

There is a specific terror threat against U.S. shopping malls. Be vigilant! If you're at the mall and you SEE something, SAY something. Unless you're at LensCrafters. In that case, ask someone who can actually SEE to

LMN 2-24-15 Snow makes me angry.

With the threat of snow continuing, crazed shoppers have turned the milk and bread aisles of Publix into their own personal Benghazi. I always buy MY milk sandwiches pre-made. I don’t want to issue an ultimatum here

Lisa Mason's News – 02/20/15

Police in Harlan, Kentucky have issued an arrest warrant for Queen Elsa from “Frozen.”  I guess there’s not enough true love in the nation to thaw it out. That’s cute, but please Let it Go.   Nearly

LMN 2-20-15 Let it NO.

Police in Harlan, Kentucky have issued an arrest warrant for Queen Elsa from “Frozen.” I guess there’s not enough true love in the nation to thaw it out. That’s cute, but please Let it Go. Nearly 200

Lisa Mason's News – 02/13/15

It's Friday the 13th! The scariest day of the year, unless of course you forget tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I’ll take Friday the 13th over Monday the 15th any day; I’m not superstitious but I DO hate

LMN 1-26-15 IT'S COMING RIGHT FOR US

Already we have travel disruptions because a blizzard is going to hit New York later. They’re calling it Winter Storm 2015. Uh, it’s only January, what happens if there’s ANOTHER winter storm this year? Alabama’s ban on