President Obama and British Prime Minister David Cameron call upon NATO to stop the spread of ISIS in Iraq. NATO's Secretary General says while there IS an obligation to stop ISIS, no such request has come from Iraq itself. Wait – what? We've got to start WAITING for the "host nation" of whatever the terror problem is to INVITE us in? Awww man. This sucks!
Meanwhile, ISIS is editing videos to show President Obama looking tired and haggard then uploading them as propaganda. I can't even watch Judge Judy because of a Fox vs DirectTV spat but THEY get to run around the desert with a bootleg copy of Final Cut Pro and Wi-Fi?
Another American aid doctor has contracted the deadly Ebola virus in Africa, he's back in the US for treatment. Sorry that the Ebola virus has travelled more than us this summer.
A Birmingham judge is expected to make a ruling on an Alabama law restricting teeth-whitening services outside of dentist's offices. What. Glad to hear we've solved all our pressing problems.
Al-Qaeda has now expanded into India, putting them at a solid number 2 behind Starbucks.
And a few things you need to know …
On this date in 1836, Sam Houston was elected president of the Republic of Texas. I used to have a t-shirt from the Sam Houston Institute of Technology but the initials always got me in trouble.
Hey – side note: WHO is in charge of Woofstock and WHY can't I emcee your event?
All is not well in the NFL. Some cheerleaders are suing the league, claiming they make less than 3 dollars per hour, after expenses, while the league earned $9 billion in revenue. See fast food workers? You could have it as bad as an NFL cheerleader who willingly consents to mandatory hair, makeup, clothing styles and weight loss!
Legendary comedian Joan Rivers has died at 81. Parts of her were only 15 – that's far too young to go! She is survived by her daughter Melissa, her 2 grandchildren, and a team of plastic surgeons who will never live the lifestyle they have become accustomed to again.
And … I want to say "thank you" to all of you who are donating to the Cystic Fibrosis fundraiser, but you realize I'm going to have to follow through with the stunt, right?? Are you TRYING to get me killed?? Next Saturday, if I meet my goal, I get pushed over the edge of a building for Laps for CF. CLICK HERE TO DONATE
and watch me shriek like a freak for a noble cause. Sure I'm more than a little nervous, but I'll do just about anything EXCEPT post nude photos to the iCloud.
My CF donation page only shows me as having 42% of my goal but remember ATROX Factory is matching those donations. ATROX posted everywhere yesterday that they were looking for a new way to scare me, so they backed me in the CF fundraiser. Trust me: when ATROX Factory takes a PERSONAL interest in scaring you … you SHOULD be afraid. Be very afraid.
Meanwhile I'm prepping for the inevitable by Googling pictures of high places and trying to channel my Inner Gargoyle.