October 31, 2014
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Happy Halloween! Don’t expect much from the news today – The whole staff came in costume and the plume from my pi...
It's Halloween Eve. Do you open your bags of candy on Halloween Eve or Halloween morning?President Obama continues naggin...
There’s not yet been an Amber Alert issued but America’s Ebola Czar is missing. Ron Klain was last seen staring b...
I couldn’t find a picture to correspond with any of the stories, plus I’m sick of ISIS and Ebolanoia. So here: ha...
More people are now off quarantine in Texas, after the plague bomb was dropped from the Ebola Gay.The CDC is now out with new...
The new definition of “quarantine” is, “Eh. Just do whatever you want.” A Dallas Healthcare worker wh...
When are we gonna get some of those little rubber bracelets for Ebola Awareness? C’mon, if we’re going to capital...
A passenger threw up on a United Airlines flight and a HAZMAT party broke out at Birmingham Shuttlesworth Airport. Emergency ...
Thomas Eric Duncan no longer has to fear prosecution in Liberia and Texas for smuggling Ebola to the US inside his bloodstrea...
Ebola’s here! Specifically, it's in Texas. In a Dallas hospital. Inside a Liberian guy. For now. And here we though...
President Obama says the world is better off NOW than when he came into office. Whaaaat? We’ve got Ebola killing everyo...
President Obama says there's a little-known terrorist group we need to hate and kill called the Khorasan Group. They oper...
Time to get out and hit those “After-Equinox” sales! I can’t wait to watch all of the beautiful fall foliag...
President Obama is sending 3000 troops to hardest-hit areas in West Africa in order to have them eventually bring the Ebola v...
We’re supposed to have thunderstorms today yet I’m looking at the bluest sky I’ve ever seen. There is NO WA...
President Obama authorizes airstrikes against a terror group he recently downplayed as the “Junior Varsity” team....
President Obama tonight interrupts your TV shows to layout his plans to fight ISIS. And as long as they don't have access...
Word is he’s finally almost ready to tee off against some terrorists. President Obama will today outline his plan on de...
Here we go again. Kate Middleton, the Duchess of Cambridge, is pregnant again. You’re about to be as sick of hearing ab...
President Obama and British Prime Minister David Cameron call upon NATO to stop the spread of ISIS in Iraq. NATO’s Secr...
President Obama says we can “shrink ISIS to where they are a manageable problem.” A “manageable problem??&r...
The US wants to bomb ISIS in Syria – but instead we hit Al Shaabab in Somolia. That’s Apple Maps for ya. Meanwhil...
I couldn’t find any picture that somehow related to any story here, so have a cute bat.Did you watch any of the Emmy&rs...
U.S. airstrikes are finally helping to slow the advance of militant Sunnis in Iraq. It sure took long enough for President Ob...
Officials in Ferguson, Missouri are again pleading for people to stay home after dark. Ferguson residents responded, "Bu...
For the record, it took me an hour to do today's headlines and TWO HOURS to find a picture to post along with it. I could...
Watching the news, I’m starting to wonder when we walked through a time portal and returned to the 1960's. Missouri...
I turned on the TV and saw violence, beatings, fear, oppression and hatred. Oh I’m not talking about Iraq; I’m ta...
President Obama took the time to weigh in on the situation in Iraq before making an official comment on the death of Robin Wi...
Bowing to international pressure, a binding truce has at last been agreed upon: the "Big Bang Theory" stars have ag...
Another day of rockets and shelling in Gaza. How anything is left standing I’ve no idea. I’m starting to feel bad...
YES! The Internet is back, and with it, some highly questionable news.Secretary of State John Kerry says he’s drafted a...
Time to get out and hit those “after Moon landing anniversary sales!”Even though their safety cannot be assured a...
Greetings! Sometimes it’s hard pretending to work on a Friday ... especially when work keeps getting in the way of goof...
After a 0-0 tie in regulation, Argentina beat Netherlands 4-2 on penalty kicks to advance to the World Cup Final vs. Germany....
It’s 4th of July Eve – do you open your illegal fireworks tonight or wait till the morning?All along the East Coa...
Denizens of the Internet continue the mind-numbing debate over which religious views we can now use as an excuse to get aroun...
I don’t have much in the way of content or humor today, so enjoy the picture of upside down sleeping bunnies.Watching a...
Arab nations are telling the White House to support the removal of Iraq’s government. Wait – isn’t this wha...
Iraq and the militant group ISIS (ISIL) are holding their own World Cup outside of Baghdad right now, except they’re ju...
First, let be the first to say I’m sorry your company doesn’t offer bereavement leave because of the death of you...
It’s Friday the 13th Eve! Do you open your camper torsos tonight or wait till morning?A group deemed “too extreme...
A huge group of veterans is gathered in Normandy today, marking the 70th anniversary of D-Day. In a related story, France has...
Happy Primary Day! Polls close at 7 tonight, then we’ll find out what Primary Claus left for us. Probably the same junk...
Sorry, no snake jokes today. Have a picture of a bear holding a wolf instead.News reports of President Obama's speech at ...
President Obama announces a shift in foreign policy. Does this mean we’re going to shift to having one?Officials search...
The majority of US troops will be pulled out of Afghanistan. You know – I always wondered why Afghanistan is the first ...
I hope your Memorial Day went well. It's that very special day of the year when Americans honor our fallen soldiers by ge...
Pets all around the country are dying from eating unspecified chicken "jerky style" pet treats made in China. Or, a...
A stressful evening at the White House. Not “300-children-have-been-kidnapped-by-militants” stressful, but it rai...
The Supreme Court has ruled that it is OK to begin town meetings with a prayer, because grown adults should be mature enough ...
Ukraine’s Prime Minister says Russia is trying to start World War 3. Wow! We’d better hurry up and send Russia th...
There will be no Sherpa-guided climbs on Mt. Everest for the rest of the climbing season to honor the 16 Sherpas who died in ...
Time to get out and hit those “After Tax Day Sales,” also known as the “Pre-Audit Sales!” This should...
Everyone’s going on about how the floods came right after the movie “Noah” opened. Sure, that’s an od...
Ukraine has agreed to host the United Nation's annual "War Games," which means thousands of troops will be play...
It's now too late to sign up penalty-free for Obamacare for this year AND it's April Fool's Day. Coincidence? Act...
I have to post this fast! I can’t stay on the internet long because I still haven’t seen last night’s &ldqu...
I have to post this fast! I can’t stay on the internet long because I still haven’t seen last night’s &ldqu...
They’ve shifted the search area for the missing Malaysian Airlines jet. Australia says they think any wreckage would be...
BREAKING NEWS! Trust me on this and say it aloud. Say 'beer can' with a British accent. I just taught you how to say ...
Still no word on if the latest thing in the ocean has anything to do with Malasia Air Flight 370. Can we just end this? Let&r...
President Obama says he wants Russia to back off and slowly go away from the Ukraine, like Ann Curry did on the Today Show. M...
For the last time, yesterday was Height-Weight Disproportioned Tuesday! Not Fat Tuesday! Carnival season is over, and now it&...
World War 3 is looking a lot like World War 1. Russia is all over Ukraine to the point where most are wondering if that &ldqu...
Russian troops are seizing key positions as they begin occupying Ukraine. Moscow says they’re not occupying, they&rsquo...
I don’t understand the Freak Out Time going on in Arizona. If you’re a business owner, why would you throw your r...
I'm going to miss Harold Ramis a lot more than I do Sochi. The Winter Olympic torch has been officially passed on from So...
Time to get out and hit those “After Olympics” sales!The Sochi winter Olympics are history – along with the...
The next Winter Craptastrophe is possible tonight and into tomorrow. The roads were just icy enough this morning to make the ...
It begins. Desperate Tweets out of Gardendale report that the Wal-Mart is out of milk and bread. It’s too early to tell...
The national debt is up $6.666-trillion under President Obama. Read anything into those numbers that you want. Meanwhile, Oba...
An unprecedented security force was in place at last night’s Super Bowl to prevent acts of terrorism. No clue how Seatt...
I was told yesterday that some groups in North Alabama have taken up donations for “those in Central Alabama affected b...
The State of the Union speech is tonight. Maybe President Obama will FINALLY address the Justin Beiber situation. Did you hea...
Winter Storm Janus continues to wreak icy havoc up north. Janus is a pain in the anus. The “named” storm craze is...
Some US Air Force nuclear officials are in trouble for cheating on their recertification exams. How hard is it to remember, &...
Tree assassin Harvey Updyke says he can’t afford the monthly payments he owes Auburn University. A Lee County judge tol...
I called in cold last week and missed the Polar Vortex. Best timing ever! BTW-- the phrase "Polar Vortex" has now b...
Did you shop at Target this season? Check your bank statements. 40 million credit and debit cards from shoppers at every Targ...
~~I was asked why the news has been A) so short and B) rather unfunny lately. It’s because IIIIIIIIIIII don’t hav...
It's Friday the 13th Eve! Do you open your bad luck tonight or wait till the morning?That Sign Language interpreter next ...
I love a country where you can hold a funeral and a soccer chant breaks out! And people say WE take football too seriously? N...
A stolen truck full of radioactive material has been found – as has the dangerous material. The truck was carrying a co...
Investigators continue probing the death of Roger Rodas. The race enthusiast was killed Saturday, along with a friend, in his...
Merry Ironakkahgiving Bowl! If you’re not into turkey, are Jewish, or hate football there’s very little for you i...
All the well wishes, flowers and gifts are incredibly sweet … but you people have a very odd way of marking the 50th a...
President Obama said “It’s OK to extend insurance plans that were cancelled because of Obamacare.” Turns ou...
The White House says Healthcare.gov won’t be working by November 30th. In other news, water is wet. HHS Secretary Kathl...
What a shocker. George Zimmerman was arrested after allegedly hitting his pregnant girlfriend. Let's not jump to conclusi...
The Midwest begins picking up the pieces after monster storms devastated numerous communities in several states. Major props ...
During his press conference yesterday, President Obama apologized to the American people, saying he "fumbled the rollout...
With news the healthcare site WON’T be ready by the end of the month, President Obama says he's sorry that some Ame...
The situation is grim. People are pleading for help, yet no aid is available to devastated millions. Relief workers say there...
The Obama administration thought THEY had a glitch problem? Get this, a glitch on the Wal-Mart website on Wednesday listed am...
It's Halloween Eve. Do you open your bags of candy on Halloween Eve or Halloween morning?The House Ways and Means committ...
Thanks to those who expressed deep concern over Hera Mason’s lack of a Halloween costume this year. I bought her this l...
A stenographer for the House apparently lost it last night as lawmakers passed the government funding and debt limit deal. Th...
Finger pointing continues on Capitol Hell. House speaker John Boehner says he doesn’t have the votes in the house to su...
Welcome to Shutdown week 2. There’s no end in sight and Congress is starring down the barrel of an October 17 deadline ...
Question: is the FCC affected by the shutdown? This could be important, given my show this morning.Lawmakers coming together ...
This shutdown is doing strange things to people. I saw this picture of a hippy wearing green fur ears and gloves and thought ...
Do do do do, Do do DO do do. The final countdown to shutdown is on! With a partial government shutdown less than 14 hours awa...
Was Ted Cruz’s talkathon against Obamacare effective? The questions trending on Twitter have less to do with policy, an...
Has Ted Cruz stopped talking yet? The Texas Tea Party senator has been yapping on teh senate floor since yesterday to protest...
Witnesses say the terrorists inside Nairobi’s Westgate Mall were asking people to name the mother of the Prophet Muhamm...
In honour of my Da’s birthday today I wanted to make sure every joke here was brilliantly written and hilarious. Luckil...
As expected, Syria missed the deadline to turn over their chemical weapons so the retaliation will be instant! The UN is send...
I’ve added a handy chart to this morning’s news to preempt everything the MSM is about to start saying about Budd...
A new survey finds that 8 out of 10 Americans feel that Syria is -- OMS,look! Is that Miley Cyrus on a wrecking ball? Anyway,...
Remembering the attacks of September 11, 2001 today. And let us not forget the 9-11 attack on the US consulate in Benghazi, L...
President Obama will tonight preempt your shows to talk about retaliatory air strikes for a great atrocity. Finally he’...
Are you ready for some ridiculous styles you’ll never wear? New York Fashion Week runs through this Thursday. And it co...
In order to add an element of excitement, I’m going to attempt to write this morning's news without a shark cage!Ar...
As President Obama now attempts to get Congress to shoulder the blame for striking at Syria or not… Hackers from Syria...
After viewing the horrific video footage of mass atrocities, President Obama says he's seen enough, there’s proof t...
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